“Sara smiles”
May 18th, 2008
“So help me out here. Are you going to take away our kids?”
“Shush, just relax”, her husband Tom says quietly. “Let them talk.”
“No Sara, all we’re doing is trying to come to an understanding. Alan and John have been neglected for too long. The second reason we’re here today, thank you both for coming by the way, is to see if we can agree on an action plan”, says Mrs. Wilson, the prinicipal.
“But the social worker just said it’s basically our fault”, Sara says, pushing away from the table and crossing her legs. “And I’m sorry, but we’ve been very devoted to our kids.”
“I can see that, no one here is suggesting anything of the kind”, Wilson says.
“I’ve taken them on as my own. I’m a good mother.”
“But Sara, you aren’t their mother.”
“What, what’s that’s supposed to mean?”
“It says here that your last name is. . .”
“That’s right. I met Tom three years ago and we got married last year. Alan and John call me ‘mum’ now.”
“Well Sara the fact of the matter is that they’re old enough to remember their birth mother, and while we haven’t yet run clinical tests, they likely don’t think of you as their mother. At least not yet. Despite the usage of the term.”
“What’s the difference? I don’t get it.”
“Easy Sara, I see where they’re going here”, Tom says, a little more forcefully. “The kids listen, but by the end of the night you’re exhausted from constantly getting on them.”
“That’s right Tom”, Wilson smiles. “They listen to you, and as we heard earlier, you’ve been very firm with them.”
“Yes I am. I’m their father and they’re the most important things in the world to me. Other than Sara, of course.”
“It might be several years Sara, before the children fully embrace you as their mother unequivocally. In an emotional sense.”
“Okay, I get that”, Sara leans forward and takes Tom’s hand.
“In the meantime a patient approach would be more effective. Let them come to you.”
“Sure I can do that, no problem. But I still don’t see how this is going to solve John’s behavioural problems.”
The social worker interrupts, and whispers something into Wilson’s ear. Then Wilson looks at Tom. He narrows his eyes and visibly tenses.
“Tom I want to say how impressed I am. The love and commitment you have comes across as very deep and that’s refreshing.”
“Oh, well thank you Mrs. Wilson. It is.”
“But what we’ve noticed is that the kids are defensive and uptight when questioned about how their dad treats them.”
“Sure. Until Sara came along, I raised them completely on my own, from when they were little. After their mom left them, us.”
“Again Tom, I really do admire you for that. So many parents we deal with don’t come close to your intense concern. So on a typical day, how often would you say you take them out to parks, ball games, that sort of thing?”
“Well not very often. I work long hours. And with John’s attention and memory troubles, you have to be so careful.”
“I see. You’re afraid something’s going to happen to them.”
“Yes! You can’t leave John alone for five minutes. He gets into all sorts of havoc and constantly forgets what I tell him.”
“May I suggest that you back off with that approach Tom? We’re hearing overtones of anxiety from the kids. They aren’t as happy as they should be with their home time.”
“I don’t know”, Sara speaks up. “Are you saying we’re too bossy? We just moved. Maybe it’s been harder on the kids than we thought.”
“Sara, don’t get so worked up”, Tom says, taking her other hand.
“No Sara, we’re suggesting Tom be less restrictive, let them be kids. And to take them on as many outings as possible, where they can be free to play. With supervision.”
“I see”, Tom replies doubtfully. “But somehow something’s missing here. I don’t quite understand how this is going to work.”
“Well here’s the kicker Tom”, Wilson says, picking up a folder from the table. “You see this?”
“Yes, that’s the last school’s report.”
“Precisely. They had the resources but refused to use them. These kids need our support as well.”
For a moment, no one says anything. Sara and Tom look into each other’s eyes,
“The trouble isn’t with you as parents, that’s not the central issue here.”
“It isn’t?”, Sara says.
“Not at all. The last school was aware of the situation, but chose to ignore it.”
“Maybe they figured John would outgrow it”, Tom offers.
“Very good Tom. But we’re not going to pretend anymore, and just give him a pass to the next grades. John’s going to get the assistance he needs. What he should’ve received from day one.”
“Hey, I like that”, Sara smiles.
