Good evening,
And welcome to an Acme News exclusive presentation, “Investigative Reports”.For tonight’s show, we travelled back in time to discover the hidden secrets of postal workers. Just how do they manage to do it? Delivering through rain, sleet, and snow. Consistently rated among the top most dangerous jobs with injuries and faced with competition from the internet and fast modern businesses like UPS with strong reputations, we wanted to get the low down.
So we asked mail carriers and drivers alike, each with over 20 years of service, this same question: “How have you been able to last so long at your job?” Here are their answers:
1962
“Well the key is noticing the details. Coming from the armed forces, I like to look sharp & crisp. I maintain a decent level of presentation as part of my job, and it’s stood me in good stead.Yes, I’m proud of it, but modesty is a virtue. Best not to be noticed.”
1972
“Oh man, I don’t know, you know? It’s noticing the smallest detail, like the birds and butterflies out there on the beat. When you’re carrying the mail, you gotta be in the groove, so you get yourself aligned with the universe. Find that harmony, you know? Hey, you’re not gonna show my smoke on camera, right? Ahem, so if you notice the little stuff, focus on that, you forget the horror, the gory headlines, the weight on your back.”
1982
“I think I’d have to say it’s noticing the contrasts between having steady work in a time of economic growth, versus those on the street. Joe Clark was toast in 6 months, but I plan on being around for the long haul. I try to serve everybody equally, delivering the Royal Mail. See here? This is an official canvas relay bag from 10 years ago, marked “Royal Mail”. They say we’re a Crown Corporation now, but if you want to stay relevant you need to believe in a higher purpose, so equality’s my thing.”
1992
“Lasting this long? Hey that’s private, not something to be talked about on camera! Just kidding. But seriously, the thing I noticed, if you still wanna make it, and retire being a postman, you’ve gotta know it’s hard work. Keep your eye on your shoes, one after another. Like my parents taught me, if you work hard, you’ll be alright. Regardless of the budget cuts and all that. It’s just the Liberals, right? Business is business, you know? But you gotta be noticed; don’t take crap from anybody! That’s it.”
2002
“I really couldn’t say. I’ve been doing this a long time, but noticed I still don’t have much seniority. You’ve got to pay your dues. Kind of like the country, slow but steady we’ll get there. Meanwhile sure, volumes are dropping a bit, but I noticed I really enjoy talking with my customers. Good for tips! And I think there’ll always be a place for the mail. No one can replace meaningful communication. Thanks, but I’ve gotta run.”
2012
“Oh, you’re talking to me? Look I wish I could talk, but first I’d have to catch my breath. Because, you’ve gotta keep going. I just try not to think about it. Maybe take a pill, have a beer. Listen to my tunes. Maybe it’ll turn around, but times are tough. Not like in the old days. And you’ve got Harper now, around for a long time. Look, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve got to keep running. No time. Plus, I’ve got stuff to do after work.”
2013
“The thing I’ve noticed, if you wanna stick around and have your health, you’ve got to go unnoticed. There’s conflict going on all over the place. A lot of turbulence at work, in society, everywhere. Best plan is to pick your battles. You hear a lot about money, etc. So you notice the basics. Focus on doing your job as best you can. Take your breaks, that kinda thing. Make a point of speaking to customers, being available for co-workers. Because in the end, it’s dignity. Realizing you can actually draw a line. It’s the whole process, you know? Of finally noticing.”
silvercharm 